What inspired you to start your own business?
This is what has inspired me to do what I do. This is part of my story….
There is no discrimination when it comes to addiction. It doesnt matter what race you are. Teacher, Doctor, or one of Santas Little Helpers, from America,Baliz, to Japan. The disease of addiction can strike anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Suffering from a massive head injury is one of the most painfulm traumas I have ever experienced. I was in tip-top shape, a personal trainer at a well known gym, 8 months of sobriety, and recently discharged from my 9th rehab facility. At this point I had already been to 8 other places throughout my 28 yr. battle with addiction. I even wore my Spiritual Tool Belt with pride just like the Lion King. The only problem was, I had no Pride. I chose to walk alone always knowing whats best for me and for that matter everyone else as well. I never practiced Rule#1 in Addiction Spec-Warfare "Never stray from the Pride, for that is where you are the most vulnerable."
Knowing and doing were never my attributes but being the medical doctor I thought I wasand graduating (in the top 10%) Summa Cum Latte from Stoli University I new exactly how to handle the immense amount of pain in my cerebellum. Following the doctors orders (from yours truely), my prescription read " A half pint of vodkawith a vikaden chaser taken as needed for pain. Hmmmmm..
As an addict, the art of manipulation becomes second nature, not only when it comes to others but especially to ourselves. Soon , the half pint led to a pint and the pint led 1.5 litres a day. I found myself not only where I left off but even worse off then when I was at my worst. I was in a world of misery and in more pain than when I began my self medicated prescription program. As the physical pain increased so did my psychological state of mind, crushing my spirit, causing me to spiral deep down into the darkness of a vast abyss.
Another round with Mike Tyson was all I needed (NOT). With no Pride and deterioting health I spent the next 6 weeks falling apart while convincing myself I could stop at anytime. I told myself I will just start tommorow. Tommorow never came, tommorow was already a thing of the past. If you asked "Annie" She would start singing "the sun will come out tommorow, for tommorow is only a day away." (i would have liked to punch her in the face) To me things like that only happen in movies and on T.V.. For there was no sun, there was no light. It was replaced with the color only found behind the stars. But there were no stars here. Only blackness, deep dark blackness. The pitch of the beat of my heart could no longer be heard. Cold silence ensued, the silence only a deaf person could hear.
Alone again, surrounding myself with only misery and pain. I blocked all forms of faith, allowing nothing to enter, nothing to leave. A trapped soul, atrapped spirit, lying tortured, deep within The Valley of Darkness only known better as, SATANS DEN.
Serendipidously, I found myself in the bathroom staring at the mirror. While looking at my reflection I saw two images. One of myself at that moment (a scruffy,horendous, and scared beast) and the second image was of myself as a healthy, strapping young man. An illusion, if only an image of a forgotten past. The thoughts were overwhelming, tears replacing my anger and fear cascaded from my sunken bloodshot eyes. As I broke the mirror in an act of desperate frustration shards of glass shattered the bathroom floor, replacing the mirror with a tangled web of a spider. I began to scream at the top of my lungs,"I cant take this anymore, God, please take the pain away, please help me." So it was time, time to take A Look Through the Looking Glass and face the truth.
Confronting the truth was never my for-te. Something weird was happening to me and I couldnt figure it out. Whatever it was, it came from unknown territory, an area so deep inside of me I needed a treasure map to find the exact location. Upon futher investigation a map led me to a treasure chest. As I opened it up I felt a weird beat and vibration eminating from inside. The tingling fealing of needles peircing my skin ran down my neck and into my hand. Apearing before me lied a treasure, a treasure worth more than all the gold in the world. There lied a heart. The same heart which was lost years ago, trapped in a sealed chest surrounded by demons. Finding this treasure allowed me to realize it was time to rekindle all the fealings and emotions I have repressed for as long as I can remember.
Timid and scared like a small boy going to a new school in a new town I was not sure what lied ahead. However, I did know that protecting myself with anger and blame, hurt and sadness, fear and insecurity, guilt and the lack of responsability was no longer working. There have been times in my life where I have been glad for my experiences, if only as a benchmark to measure my misery.
It was time to seize the moment, to seize the day and not look back, only looking forward. Replacing my cold hard shell with love and forgiveness, not only for others but for myself, allowing my desire to embrace the human spirit as well as my higher power. As my mind opened up to a new way of thinking. I started to believe in the miracles we get from recipes and the recipes made, to make miracles. Everyone kept telling me to have faith, not to leave to soon, for the miracle will come. Just thinking of miracles used to make me sick. Now, I can say that most miracles occur as a result of the positive energy we send inside and outside of ourselves made of thoughts, prayers, and of course action.
Easier said then done, trust me I know.
Recently I had a dream, one of which a recipe appeared. Not just any recipe, but a recipe to make miracles. Listed below are the ingrediants.
-- 6 tablespoons of faith --
-- 8 teaspoons of prayer --
-- 3 rainbows --
-- 4 dandy lions --
-- 3 hugs --
-- and a pinch of Fairy Dust --
If you are missing any of these ingrediants dont worry. You will be amazed where oyu can find them. All you have to do is ask a friend or a person standing next to you. You can even ask a stranger. You will be suprised at what they may share. Please, dont forget, a stranger is only a stranger for oh, not ot long. Isnt that a miracle in itself.
The truth of the matter is, miracles occur everyday, were just not always aware of them. Sometimes it takes a major ailiment or loss to remind us in what forms miracles come in. Think about it, internalize, close your eyes and look deep within yourself. The most miracilous of all miracles is unfortuneately overlooked and right infront of our face. How can humans see and at the same time be so blind. If you look closely, you will see that the truest and most miracilious of all miracles is closer then you think. Imagine, with every beat of your heart, every flower you smell, every person you touch, every tear drop, and every rainbow you see. This to me is what it is all about, no matter how bad you feal and how many difficulties you are experiancing, remember and heed my words. Tell yourself everyday and yourself will tell you, the truest and most miracilous of all miracles lies within you.
With the deliveriance from your higher power we are gifted with the ability to choose. As humans some of our best choices can get us into trouble, even harming others and ourselves along the way.
The ability to choose, is it a gift or is it a curse. The decision is yours. In Through the Looking Glass a Journey Into Recovery......
Always remember, a songbird will always be a songbird having the ability to be like a hawk and no longer singing his love song, but a songbird can always remember and choose to sing his beautiful his beautiful song when the desire is there, graced with the ability to choose.....