William C. Shearer and Robin L. Shearer

About

Hello,
I’m passionate about helping couples thrive together rather than merely survive, struggling to get what they need and feeling frustrated and misunderstood. This has been my work and my specialization for 47 years. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than seeing couples I work with regain a loving, satisfying relationship.

Great relationships evolve from mindful awareness, psychological flexibility, self-management, and conscious and intentional choices that have become habitual.

Want a great relationship? It happens when the right choices become routine. Let’s look at the “right” choices that make up what I call “Intentional Relating.”

The following are the six intentional relating choices I want to help you develop. Imagine the following as powerful habits. Would you like to consistently:

• Adopt and maintain an intentional attitude. Make the relationship a top priority, and more important than winning or being right. Tell yourself: "I intend to help this relationship work."
• Tune into your body and mind, calm and center yourself, and choose to make a shift to openness and non-defensiveness. Get yourself under control and shift to a focus on your partner’s needs and feelings —focus on what’s best for the relationship.
• Tune into your partner, calmly, non-reactively, and respectfully. Listen empathically to understand. Agreement is not necessary, but understanding is vital.
• Open up and put your cards on the table, assertively, not aggressively. Describe your feelings; don't attack with them. Openness is choosing vulnerability. Assertiveness is respectful.
• When there is conflict, or an issue arises, turn toward your partner with empathy and understanding, and a willingness to learn. Let go of defensiveness.
• Make it a priority to learn and practice intentional relating skills and keep learning and practicing! It's a lifelong journey. It will never be perfect. It just gets better. Conflict is an opportunity to develop and strengthen your relationship.

Read some of my blog articles on my couples website: www.beingtherightpartner.com. Select a blog article to read together. If you can discuss the article with each other, without blaming or attacking, you're on the right track.

There are hundreds of pages of material on the website. For many couples, reading together, doing self assessments, and having calm objective discussions about their relationship is all that is needed.

If you need more and want to work with a therapist with unparalleled training and experience, not to mention many satisfied couples, give me a call.

Dr. Bill
www.beingtherightpartner.com
www.mindfulchoicesforwellbeing.com
www.calmchoices.com

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