Startpoint Counselling

Society is slowly changing their views towards members of the LGBT community. More and more gay men, lesbians, bisexual people and transgendered people are seeking Personal and Relationship Counselling. Unfortunately, despite the changing views of society, prejudice in society still exists. Dealing with this prejudice, coming out to one’s family and society and sorting out who you really are in the face of social expectations and pressures, can lead to higher levels of depression and anxiety for the LGBT community. Being openly gay or transgender in the workplace or in public is not always easy. Counselling can help manage the choices and emotions that are faced by LGBT people.

The Australian Human Rights Commission list the following Key issues for LGBTI people
A large number of LGBTI people hide their sexuality or gender identity when accessing services (34 per cent), at social and community events (42 per cent) and at work (39 per cent).[7] Young people aged 16 to 24 years are most likely to hide their sexuality or gender identity.[8]
LGBTI young people report experiencing verbal homophobic abuse (61 per cent), physical homophobic abuse (18 per cent) and other types of homophobia (9 per cent), including cyberbullying, graffiti, social exclusion and humiliation.[9]
80 per cent of homophobic bullying involving LGBTI young people occurs at school and has a profound impact on their well-being and education.[10]
Transgender males and females experience significantly higher rates of non-physical and physical abuse compared with lesbians and gay men.[11]
Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are three times more likely to experience depression compared to the broader population.[12]
Around 61 per cent of same-sex attracted and gender-questioning young people said they experienced verbal abuse because of their sexuality, while 18 per cent reported experiencing physical abuse. Young men (70 per cent) and gender-questioning young people (66 per cent) were more likely than young women (53 per cent) to experience verbal abuse.[13]
https://www.humanrights.gov.au/education/face-facts/face-facts-lesbian-gay-bisexual-trans-and-intersex-people

Much of what a gay, lesbian, bisexual or a transgendered person might bring to relationship counselling can be the same as what a straight couple would bring. There are also issues that relate specifically to same-sex couples and couples for which one or both partners are transgender.

Our counsellors accept and support the individual’s right to live their lives in the manner that they desire. We do not regard LGBT people as somebody that needs to be cured. Instead, we affirm your sexual identity.

The family unit is the “school” where we learn who we are and how relationships work. Human beings have the longest caregiver period of all mammals. Our children generally live under our care to the age of 17.

The optimal situation sees
An emotional attachment is formed to an adult who is sensitive and responsive to their needs during the period from birth to 2 years of age

The person they form an attachment with is consistent in their caregiving.

After the age of 2, the child begins to use the adult as a secure base from which to explore and develop independence.

The child grows up feeling safe, secure and confident.

As much as parents want the best for their child, the ideal situation is challenging to achieve. There are so many demands on our time and the percentage of stay at home mums is decreasing out of financial necessity.

Parents often feel that they should know how to deal with the demands of raising well-adjusted children and regard seeking assistance in this area a sign of weakness.

In the fast-paced, highly demanding world that we now live in, the demands of parenting and family compete with the demands of work and the need to earn an income. Additionally, the structure of the family has changed from the traditional dad, mum and children and now includes but is not limited to single-parent families, same-sex families and blended families. Each family group can experience challenges specific to their family structure.

Vanessa Heal specialises in assisting parents and family members make sense of the demands placed on them and teaches simple strategies to improve parenting and family relationships.

Patterns learned as a child in the family environment will repeat themselves when the child, as an adult, enters into their own relationships. By improving family and parenting relationships now you are setting your children up for improved relationships in the future.

There are similarities between taking a journey in a new car and getting married. When you first buy a new car, you love the new fresh feeling, the excitement of driving it and the trouble-free motoring that it offers.

You set out on a journey, but as you travel down the road, the car gets a few scratches, dents and chips. This annoys you but the car is still driving OK, so you continue on your journey.

As time passes a little light on the dash reminds you that the car is due for a service. You realise that it is not driving as well as it did when new, but it is OK and you keep driving. Unfortunately, cars that are not maintained deteriorate and breakdown. The goal of your journey is now in doubt and you feel frustrated, angry and stranded.

As a couple starting out your relationship together it’s fun, exciting, you’re in love and you plan to spend the rest your life together (the goal of your journey). Over time, your relationship suffers its share of dents, scrapes and chips. It is disappointing but the relationship is still OK.

Then you start to notice an issue or two but the relationship still seems to be working so why bother addressing them. This lack of maintenance of your relationship is what will damage and kill your relationship.

Premarital Counselling is often seen as tedious and unnecessary. What I offer is different. I impart to you the skills needed to maintain your relationship.

As a relationship counsellor, I am well versed in what tears a relationship apart. When working with couples who have damaged relationships, I teach them the skills required to repair their relationship. If they had known these skills from the beginning, they would have avoided a lot of pain and heartbreak.

These skills are available to you through Startpoint Counselling’s premarital skills training.

Over three practical sessions, we will cover
1. How much assumption exists in your relationship and how to find the truth
2. How to communicate in a way that minimises arguments but gets your needs recognised
3. Maintaining intimacy over the long term

Extra sessions can be scheduled depending on individual needs.

You have spent a lot of time getting to this point in your lives. You are investing time and a good deal of money in getting married. Protect your investment by learning the skills to maintain your relationship in the future.

Life Coaching Shows you How to Design and Achieve the Life that You Want


It is so frustrating to know what you want, make moves in that direction, apply yourself and become frustrated by not being able to achieve your personal and professional goals.

Are you

Tired of trying to make something of your life?

Tired of putting in the effort and not seeing the results?

Tired of everything seemingly working against you?

Many times the things that are holding us back are things we can’t see ourselves because we are too close to the situation.

Many times there are internal beliefs that manage to sabotage you even though you are applying yourself diligently and doing the “right things”.

Engaging a life coach brings the advantage of having somebody who can see what you are doing from an outsider’s perspective. A life coach will be able to see what’s not working for you and to assist you to make changes that will allow you to reach your goals.

When I work with clients I do a lot of listening in order to understand where you are at this point in time and what it is that you want out of working with me. I have the ability to not only process what I am seeing and hearing but also to be able to look behind-the-scenes and understand what is driving the current situation.

I am the “HOW” expert who can take you from where you are now to where you want to be. I work equally well with both male and female clients. I am direct and to the point. If you want results then my straightforwardness coupled with my ability to hold clients accountable will help you get those results.

Building Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence Will Improve Your Relationships

Powerless
How we feel about ourselves has a dramatic effect on how we interact with others. It affects how we view what is happening in our relationships. If we have a poor opinion of ourselves and believe that things often go wrong for us, we are more likely to interpret things that happen in our relationships as being negative. This usually results in us reacting in a way that makes the situation worse. Taking the time to address how we see ourselves, can result in positive improvement in our relationships.

Self-confidence is a measure of how we feel about ourselves. It is also a measurement of our abilities and so changes according to situations. We may feel confident in some situations but not in others.

It relates to how we recall past events. If we recall past successes rather than failures, we are more likely to feel confident about handling a new situation.

Self-esteem refers to whether we appreciate and value ourselves. The two of course overlap to some degree. Having healthy self-esteem increases self-confidence.

Early life experiences influence the development of healthy self-esteem. Having good experiences while growing up, is likely to lead to the development of healthy self-esteem. Many negative experiences are more likely to result in the development of poor self-esteem. This, in turn, hampers the development of self-confidence.

Our self-confidence and self- esteem affects our perception of what happens to us

A negative experience becomes a confirmation of incompetence when viewed by somebody with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. A person with healthy self-esteem, who encounters the same negative experience, sees it differently. They will instead try to understand how they can improve the outcome next time. They will not see it as a sign of incompetence.

The negative experience acts as a trigger for memories. If you have little self-confidence, the memories recalled are of similar negative events. The perception becomes one of incompetence, and this leads to negative self-talk. Negative self-talk further lowers self-esteem which in turn reduces self-confidence. Low self-confidence stops you from trying. Encountering more disappointing results starts the cycle again.

The Importance of self-esteem and self-confidence

Little confidence and self-esteem results in a downward spiral that turns life into hell. It can affect you in certain areas of your life or can have a wide-ranging effect. Low self-esteem and self-confidence manifest in some commonly observed effects. Shyness, poor communication skills and a lack of assertiveness are good examples.

How to Improve Self-Confidence


Self-esteem is associated with self-confidence. Positive and negative experiences have a strong influence on self-confidence. To improve self-confidence we need to increase positive experiences and reduce negative experiences.