MichaelJ/Therapy

A lot of people think of anger as a bad thing, something to be avoided; it is like “the enemy within” that must be conquered.

But anger is not an enemy. If it weren’t for anger some people who are alive and well now would be dead, and many injustices would never have been changed. It’s not wrong to be angry. Anger gives us the motivation and the energy to carry through important projects.

The problem is when we react with anger when it is not appropriate and/or use inappropriate ways to express anger. Inappropriate anger reactions develop out of our experiences and are related to, for example, self-image and our expectations of other people. These could be partners, work colleagues, or even people we have just met for the first time. Anger can become our standard response to any situation where we are thwarted or fail in some way.

Because we are unique, each person will find his/her own best way to manage anger. A combination of practical techniques and personal therapy can help us to find that way. As with all habitual behaviours, it is easy to get discouraged because we find changing it difficult, so it is important to have confidence and not give up. We can use the energy and motivation of our anger to carry us through this process too. You can read our articles on this topic here.

For many people the terms ‘gender’ and ‘sex’ are used interchangeably, however, the concepts of sex and gender are not quite that straightforward. Sex is a biological term whereas gender is a psychological and cultural expression. Modern society views sex and gender in binary terms, and the majority of people are sexed male or female at birth and culturally assigned the gender masculine or feminine.

Gender is a complex interrelationship between one’s biological sex, internal sense of self as male, female, both or neither (gender identity) and one’s outward presentation and behaviour (gender expression). From the moment we are born gender expectations surround us, colours – blue for a boy, pink for a girl, toys, clothes and behaviour. Social gender roles and expectations are so ingrained within society that the majority of people do not question them, however, for some individuals, this binary model does not represent their experiences of their gender. A ‘Gender Spectrum’ represents a more nuanced model where gender exists beyond a simple male/female binary model but instead exists on a continuum that can move more fluidly between masculine and feminine allowing people to identify with a more authentic model of their gender.


LGBT Sexuality
Psychotherapy can support transgender clients in many ways. These supports include providing the client with a greater understanding of the meaning they afford to gender, as a construct in relation to themselves and society. Another valuable element of support is to enable the client to attain stability and acceptance of their gender role which may or may not, correlate with their biological sex and may or may not, fit within the binary framework of gender. Transgender clients seek therapy for a variety of both general and gender-specific reasons, including self-exploration, help with specific mental health symptoms, coping with life stressors, gender distress, and support in transitioning to one’s self-identified gender.

Relationship difficulties can be the most perplexing aspect of life. Sometimes they are not going how we want them to go and, worse, we don’t know why. We don’t know why he or she makes us so mad or why we behave in certain ways when we are around people who are so important to us. It can be confusing, defeating and depressing.

Psychotherapy and counselling can be invaluable here. We look at the strands of our relationship patterns. We look at how our past and present experiences colour our relationships. We then find the roots of our behaviour patterns, resolve conflicts that are inevitably there and come to a reconciliation with ourselves.

Ultimately, relationship difficulties are about our relationship with ourselves first. As we understand how we are within ourselves we develop a better relationship with ourselves. When this happens, we like ourselves more and we find it easier to like others and they in turn find it easier to like us – what we all want.

Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger, whether it’s real or imagined, the body’s defences kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as “fight-or-flight” reaction, or the stress response. The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. In emergency situations, stress can save your life. It also helps you rise to meet challenges by helping you to perform under pressure and motivates you to do your best.

However, modern life is full of demands, deadlines, hassles and frustrations making stress so commonplace for many people that it has become a way of life. People’s minds and bodies pay the price causing major damage to their health, mood, productivity, relationships and quality of life. Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body.


stress management
Long-term stress can also rewire the brain leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Health problems caused or exacerbated by stress include:- pain of any kind, heart disease, digestive problems, sleep problems, depression, obesity, autoimmune diseases and skin conditions such as eczema. Because of the widespread damage stress can cause, it is important to know your own limits and to recognise when your stress levels are out of control.

One’s ability to tolerate stress and to stay calm and collected under pressure depends on many factors, including the quality of relationships, general outlook on life, emotional intelligence and ability to relax. Counselling can help people examine their lives for stress and look for ways to minimise it and adopt healthier lifestyle habits.

Each person reaches a point in their life where they begin to experience their sexual development. For many, this occurs at puberty, generally from the age of around 11. The vast majority of people will experience predominant attraction towards the opposite gender, usually identifying as heterosexual or ‘straight’. For a small minority, roughly 5% of men and 3% of women, the natural attraction will be predominantly towards the same sex. There are many ways of describing or experiencing this orientation or sexual identity, including terms like homosexual, gay, lesbian, LGBT, LGBTQI, or queer. Some may experience bisexual attraction towards both genders.
This attraction is determined by many factors which are not fully understood, but is part of nature and not within our control. We know that factors such as genetics, hormonal balances, birth order, etc. all seem to play some part, yet none are a complete explanation in themselves. We also know that environmental and cultural factors can play a role in helping or deterring a person to identify and express their sexuality and sexual orientation.




couple holding hands and moving their bikes
Issues affecting many LGBT / Gay clients
For many gay and lesbian youth, the teenage years are a very difficult period in their lives. Feelings of shame are not unusual as homosexuality is still often negatively portrayed in our society. Many issues can arise such as loneliness, isolation, depression, low self-esteem, suicide, addictive behaviours, and self-harm. During this period the teenager and young adult often struggle to ‘come out’, or in other words to come to terms with accepting their sexual orientation. This process can continue throughout life as many layers are encountered in personal, family, work, social, and public spheres. The negative stereotyping and lack of positive reinforcing images of homosexuality have led to widespread homophobia in our society, much of which has been internalised by the young gay or lesbian.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges” – J.F. Newton.

Loneliness is a condition that most people will experience at some point in their lives. It can occur as a result of life circumstances such as bereavement, relocation, an of change job or through the break-up of a significant relationship. A person affected by loneliness can experience a strong sense of emptiness and being alone. Loneliness can also include a feeling of being unwanted and unimportant. People who experience chronic loneliness can have difficulty forming strong interpersonal relationships.

Loneliness is not the same as solitude. Being physically alone can be a positive and enriching experience and people often choose to be alone for periods of time. It is a sign that an adult has reached full maturity when he or she is comfortable with their own company. It indicates that the individual’s relationship with their self is healthy.

Low self-esteem, by contrast, lonely people cannot bear to be alone. For them, it can be regarded as evidence that they are unloved and unwanted. People who experience loneliness have a sense of being alone even when they are surrounded by other people. Their loneliness results from an inability to connect with those around them.

What causes this disconnection? Very often it can be the result of an experience of exclusion during childhood or early adulthood. Children and adolescents who have experienced bullying can become isolated and convinced that there is something wrong with them. This can lead to a sense of being different and not belonging. Loneliness can also be the result of a lack of emotional support during critical developmental stages creating an expectation that nobody will understand or support them. A likely outcome is that the individual will lack confidence and be reluctant to attempt to change or too scared to try new experiences for fear of social rejection.

The problem with loneliness is that it is self-perpetuating. Lonely people tend to shun social contact because they feel nobody understands them or wants to hear what they have to say. This leads to further isolation and the possibility of depression.

Neurodiversity refers to the concept that neurological differences, such as those associated with autism, ADHD, and dyslexia, are natural variations in the human brain and should be recognized and respected as such. It emphasizes the idea that people with neurodivergent conditions have unique strengths and abilities that should be valued and supported.

A therapist can help individuals with neurodivergent conditions by providing specialized therapy that is tailored to their unique needs and strengths. They can help individuals develop coping strategies for managing symptoms and challenges associated with their condition, as well as identify and build on their strengths. A therapist can also help individuals navigate the social and emotional challenges that may arise from being neurodivergent and provide support and guidance to improve their overall quality of life. Additionally, a therapist can help promote awareness and understanding of neurodiversity within the community and advocate for the rights of neurodivergent individuals.